Wednesday, October 04, 2006

One last thought.

Why do we all compare children all the time? When my son was little I noticed that Moms all over asked the same questions.... how old is he? How much does he weigh? Is he sleeping all night? Does he take a pacifier? Is he sitting up yet? Has he started talking. Is he walking? Walking was the big one! I felt like every Mom (and many grandmas) I met all made it seem that a child that walked early is smarter and a better parent. I never got that. Who wrote the rules? I have always felt that this set of rules can look much different than they really are. This is how..... My son never slept the entire night (8 hours) until age 5 1/2. Didn't matter to the Mom rules because people stop asking that once the child is around 5 months old. LOL! How much did he weigh umm... LOTS he was in the 95% for height and weight. He is now 6 short and very thin under 50 pounds. LOL! Did he take a pacifier? NO. That somehow earned me better parent points. Most people never waited long enough to hear me say I tried and tried and he wouldn't take the pacifier. He sucked on a sippy cup for about 4 years for hours every day. People who saw him with the cup would say WOW! He is thirsty. I thought that it was he was attached to use his kiddie cup like many children a pacifier. He never put anything in his mouth other than food or drinks. Somehow that gains point in the smart baby good Mommy system. Truth was my son LOVED food he wasn't about to waste his time putting other stuff in his mouth. LOL He never needed a blanket or teddy to sleep with but he did need to sleep with the letters C O W. Nobody ever asked me if he needed letters to sleep with. LOL! I guess because his needs looked more socially aceptable I looked better somehow?

Research says a child that learns to walk early 8 months and a child who walks late 15 months both walk the same at 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 30 years...... Why was it such a big deal? I know Moms will love a child that never walks just as much as the child that walked at 8 months. A child that learns to read at 8 years can read as well as a child that reads at 2 years when they are both get to high school. Why would one child be smarter? Maybe the child that learned to read at 8 spent his time learning motor skills so he can be great at sports. The 2 year old reader might love books so much he never gets to try anything else. Sports might not be something he ever gets a chance to do. The 8 year old who just learned to read can catch up to the early reader in under a year.

Why do Moms look upset if they hear someone else has a child can do something first? Why not ask HOW the children learned to do it? OR why don't we ask what that child struggles with? If a child can read at 2 maybe they can't bounce or catch a ball. We all love our children. Why isn't a love for our children enough when another mom walks up to us and says "can he do this yet?" Why don't we pray for that mom who is so insecure that she needs to find something our child isn't doing yet to make hers better in some way? When God blesses us with children why not just enjoy our gifts. I think so many moms could give me so much information to help me become a better mom but I feel I don't get a chance often to share ideas because it so often ends up in a so and so does this kind of thing. I try to stay out of that but I have often felt like I HAD to join in. I always think....I am so happy so and so does this.... And when people ask me directly about what my children do I always answer but I am always thinking Yes he is reading but I wouldn't love him any less if he wasn't. Yes he can kick a ball and if he had no legs I would still have the same love for him. Yes she is walking and running now but if she was just learning to crawl I would love her. Yes she can talk but if she couldn't what would that change......

If I said my son couldn't catch a ball at the age of 6....... What would you say?
If I said my daughter couldn't crawl yet at 15 months I wonder what would be the response.

Am I the only person in the world who wonders about this? I have a very close friend with 2 autistic boys and that might be why I wonder about this. I can only imagine how hard it is on her. I know she must get asked the same questions out in public I do. I hope nobody thinks she loves her boys any less than I love my children because they are not talking yet. Her boys are 9 and 4 and for 9 years she has loved her son just as much as any mom.

I am sorry for that rant. I will now get back to making up games and stuff to play. Thanks for listening. LOL!


loraine said...

You are not the only one who thinks like this. All the time, I wonder why parents are in such a hurry to have their kids grow up. We should enjoy our kids, guide them, show them how to do things, and let them lead us in their education. I'm considered fairly odd in my ideas where I live. You are not alone.

Amber said...

I am so happy to hear I am not the only person with what others think of as odd ideas!