funny sight

I feel like I either entertain my neighbors (make them laugh) or I make them feel ill (sick to stomach). I have always had this crazy idea that Travis needs someone to have recess/PE with every day. I have found many ways to give him exercise without exhausting myself but lately I have run short on ideas. He LOVES soccer and he wants someone to play soccer with him every day but Because Demi doesn't run as fast as him, or kick the ball as well as he does, I have once again become his playmate for recess time. This is something I love/hate about homeschooling. First let me let anyone who doesn't know I am NOT thin or in shape in any way (regret to say I am the opposite of in shape and thin)!!!! My son is VERY active and non stop on the go. I am in my 30's going on 40's. Now picture this (or don't if it makes you ill) me running up and down the front yard kicking a soccer ball to my son. I am NOT about to let him know how out of shape or tired I am when I do this. I try to hide my heavy breathing and I try very hard to smile when when I want to cry or complain about how hard it is. I always muster up a grin and say "Wow! You are a wonderful soccer player. Travis this is so much fun. Do you want to do another 4 times up and down the yard?" I really am thinking I am so happy we only have one set of neighbors. I feel a sharp pain running from my leg, tush, and up my back. I can't breath. I hope Demi calls to me from her sandbox needing my help for something or the baby will wake up and cry so I can end this early! I know shame on me! I am human and very out of shape so honestly this is what I think. Please don't let my children know this I would like to keep this between us until my children grow up a bit more. I feel when they hit teenage and want to sit and watch TV or play video games and have no desire to run and play for hours at a time I will then let them know that I have felt like that AND I got up and did things just to make them happy.

Every day after our soccer practice I will take a tiny break to check on Zee and spend some time playing with Demi (catching my breath). When I play with her it is in the sand or I will kick a ball to her and she will run to go get it that takes very little work from me. After playing one on one with Demi, Travis always asks for a light saber fight. I always try to get Demi to have one with him but for some reason she doesn't want to do that anymore (I think I can change this by making her a princess Leia cloak). The look on his face is one I just can't say no to and leave him on his own fighting the air so I get up and pick out a sword and head out into our front yard (praying nobody will see me). The battle isn't just clanking of swords. My son likes to show me his new "moves" and then..... He asks me to show him my new jedi moves!!!! Yes! To keep the smile on his face I come up with my own special moves. My moves are full of jumps, kicks, spins and such. This story gets even more entertaining. He will NOT loose a battle against me. In order for me to end the fight I have to pretend he hit me and I am injured. I need to moan and dramatically fall on the cold, dirty, and damp ground. I have been keeping this outside play time a secret for weeks now. I have been much to embarrassed to admit I do this outside in my front yard (and look so bad doing it). I am happy to say we only have only one house near us. They did raise 5 children and 3 of the children are boys so I hope they understand (or not look at what I am doing). I do feel like they are peaking out the window laughing so hard they can't breath when I am in my yard playing with my son. In case you wonder why we use the front yard, we use it because it is near the porch . My baby sleeps and Demi likes her sensory table both on the poch. I can see them both and know everyone is safe.

Now over the last few weeks my back, legs, arms, neck, tush, and hips have ached. I thought at first I could play in pain and pretend it didn't hurt and the pain would just go away. For all this time I have woke up each day in more and more pain too embarrassed to tell anyone. Finally I emailed a friend the other day asking to get our children together once a week (she has a boy my son's age). I told her about my silly recess/PE secret. I felt better after writing about it. It felt good to tell someone else about my struggle. I don't want my son to know our play time is hard on me but I think telling someone else feels good (I can talk about my problems and not let my children know I feel fat and old). I talked on the phone with her and she said she laughed when she read about my wearing myself out trying to play like an 8 year old. I felt good giving her a laugh and I didn't feel so silly because she didn't say anything making me feel like I was nuts or doing something strange.

I was feeling much better talking about my pain. After I got off the phone I went out Monday and gave it my all. I felt like I could keep playing for over 30 minutes of fast running the soccer ball non stop! I don't know what I was thinking (I think I was thinking weight loss) but I tried to keep up with my son on our soccer field. I felt a strange feeling in my hip, a pain up my back, then I twisted my ankle a little (got my foot in a dip in our yard when I was running/kicking the ball). None of this felt like serious injuries. They felt more like aches from an older large mom trying to act like a thin, energetic, 8 year old boy! I did somehow muster up enough energy and strength to finish up with our sword fight but I didn't add in any "new moves" I fell to the ground (faking my death) in under 10 seconds. I told Travis he was a fierce Jedi and so much stronger than me. He smiled ear to ear, happy to win a battle so quick and that ended another day of recess/PE.

Last night my hubby called on his way home from work. It was late at night and my entire body ached from head to toe. I could hardly get up to answer the phone! I said I had to tell him about this because I really need his help. I told him about how when he is at work I am running the soccer ball up and down the yard with Travis. I told him about how we have Jedi matches every day. I told him about my "special moves" and he laughed saying he wanted to see that. I told him how I didn't want my children to see me as an old, overweight, tired, unfun, mom in lots of pain all the time. Yes, I guess I am all of those things but I would prefer it if my children don't notice that is who I am. KWIM? I told him I am in a lot of pain. Not so much I need to see a doctor. It is more like pain from a person pushing themselves a bit more than they should. I asked him if he could help me by filling in for me by doing PE and recess on his next day off. I told him I know we are older parents but I would like to hide that from our children for a few more years if we can. I don't mind if they figure out we are old but I would rather them not think of us as parents that are too old and fat to play and have fun with them. My hubby is not in the best shape, he is a bit older then me (only a year), and he is not a thin man so I know this will be hard on him but I feel so much relief knowing he will help me out some! I am sorry to say I took today off from PE/recess. I set Travis up with things to do on his own (running kicking a soccer ball around cones). I NEEDED a little time to rest my large, tired, old body! I will get tomorrow off because hubby will fill in and I hope to meet up with with a friend on Thursday so our children can play together. I hope after a 3 day break I will be ready to hop back into our PE/recess routine and be able to smile because it is FUN instead of smiling to hide my pain!

After much thought and prayer I decided to share this honest and bit embarrassing story with you. It is OK to laugh. When my body isn't hurting I myself laugh at the thought of what my Jedi battles must look like! I never felt silly in the yard before. Then again I was never this large when not pregnant before and I guess playing silly with little children comes natural for me. When they hit 8 and I have to work at keeping up with them it doesn't feel natural (feels like work). By the way, if you are wondering NO I have not lost any weight doing this! (sniff sniff). I hope to have pictures of my hubby running in the yard with Travis tomorrow to share with you.